It seems that for many kids there is a hurdle to reach consistent self-initiation. Remember, that is Block 5, so keep your expectations realistic. However, often times the child is fully aware they need to pee or poop. They usually don’t want to stop what they are doing to go, which is developmentally appropriate.
Kids get fully engrossed in play. It is their job! Not wanting to be interrupted is the same as an adult doing their job and not wanting interruptions. If the child is not speaking up at daycare, they may be nervous to say those private words to the caregiver, or concerned their toy or spot may get taken by another child. Some daycares require self-initiation before they will remove pull-ups. I go into more detail on how to address Daycare self-initiation issues in my Daycare Support Program at ohcrapwithashley.com/challenges
Just because a child isn’t taking themselves to their potty or telling their adult they need to go doesn’t mean they aren’t fully aware they need to pee. If they truly aren’t aware of the feeling or have no potty signal, they likely need more time in block 1 or 2. Usually, the child knows and just waits too long. It is a big step between the awareness that they have to go and the actual decision to do it. If they’re hungry, they can wait a minute and play, and then eat when they aren’t so engrossed in their play. They sometimes think potty is the same way, but then have to realize they can’t push it off like they can other physical needs.
In order to help them learn this, you can occasionally allow the child to have a pee accident to remind them that this is their job. However, if a child does well with being prompted, continue to do so to give them that feeling of success, even when the parent offered that crutch. I still on great occasion prompt my 6yo when he is doing his dance but playing his video game. Our kids need us to help them as they learn this skill. The goal is simply for them to need us less and less over time. Be careful with allowing poop accidents. Those often to lead to the, “if I can’t do it, why try?” mode which tends to escalate into negative feedback loops until we hand the child success.
You can also use this prompt, “I see you dancin’. I bet you don’t want wet pants. We will all freeze while you go pee. Ready, set, go!” Adjust the language for poop. Help them if needed, but even if there are no other people in the house, you can tell the child the toys will freeze. Some kids would rather continue playing with the wet pants. They care THAT much about not being interrupted. These kids will be exceptionally focused in life and with guidance it will serve them well.
In the meantime, you can focus on autonomy in other areas. Here are some ideas:
Getting dressed
Cleaning low windows with a water spray bottle and microfiber cloth
Setting the table
Emptying the dishwasher with you
Doing their chest clip in the car seat
Climb up into their car seat
Ultimately, give it time. You got this!
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